WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
