You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
