you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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