i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
