I puked a lego.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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