I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize