you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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