Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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