We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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