i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
People in love make me want to vomit
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
