so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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