Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
