He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
