omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
