my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I need a beard to bite.
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