my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
