god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i think i just lost a toe
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
