This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
