If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
