when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
