I think I won the penis lottery.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize