can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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