Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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