uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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