i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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