i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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