Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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