Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
