I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
