i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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