Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
