Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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