The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
