im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
