you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
