Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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