I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize