This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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