as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
