he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
