Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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