Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
