I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
