just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
