I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
