I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
