Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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