so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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