i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
