Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
