fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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