Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize