I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dignity is for republicans.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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