she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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