I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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