So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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