I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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