I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
