now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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