3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
