That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
