mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
