Can i not drive my cunt home
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
