in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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