someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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