So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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