I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
