Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
