These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
