upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
