sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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