one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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