Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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